I was once walking away from reality
Through the dark of wood I found fantasy
I followed fireflies flying to light
Show me the way through middle of night
Long I walked, be strong I tried
Not to shed tears, but finally cried
I desperately want to go home where I was grown
But no one hears my sorrowful groan
Then I woke up in a wonderful land
Everything I saw was joyfully grand
I fall for its beauty
Hypnotized, I hold myself not to be crazy
I am too far engaged in its glory
Praise the people who are lovely
One day, I dreamed to go back
Ready to forget everything I lack
Going home isn't something I can do alone
No one realized that I was gone
Sweet memories I reminisce
All good times surely vanish
I keep walking on the land
Rabbit leads me while holding my hand
Looking back to dark forest
Staying here to take a rest
Saturday, June 24, 2017
I was once walking away from reality
People are celebrating Ied with their beloved family. They will gather around and visit their relatives. While visiting the relatives, certain people will face several nightmare questions.
Different people will have their own nightmare questions. For single fighter, the most terrifying question is when you will get married. For newly-wed couple the most annoying question is when you will have a baby. Meanwhile, one-child family will get bored hearing when you will have another child. There are many other horrifying questions for other people like college students, son in law, etc.
Personally, this year I am not bothered with those questions. The most mood-breaking questions for me is where you will go hometown. Well, I was born and raised in Depok but I've been living in Bandung since 2007. When I was living in Depok, Bandung was my hometown. It changed specifically to Sarijadi district while living in Bandung. At least, it ran like that untill last year on Ied. Starting this year, I don't have any hometown.
Although my mother is from Garut and my father was from Kuningan, those cities are no longer their hometowns. They are just two towns without home. Now, Bandung -especially Sarijadi district- is no longer my hometown. It is an empty home. It's not as warm as it used to be. The home starts to be left by its members. I live in the town but I cannot find my hometown. How pathetic I am.
I made extreme decision by staying at mom's house with mom. We won't visit people we used to visit. I want to know if people will visit us. I want to know if we are still counted as family. So far, my action brings positive impact. My uncle and my aunt came and we had a good chit chat. My mom can talk to her younger brother and vice versa.
My neighbor cousin came and I know that we count a lot on her and her family. It made me less relieved. At least, I know that she still cares about us like she always does. It doesn't mean that my other cousins don't but they seldom visit us so this year I want them to really visit us.
I do not prepare much for Ied. I cooked food for two people and thanks to Allah, many people send food to us. I don't allow my mother to spend much on food that wouldn't be eaten by guests. If they come they will just pay a visit as a guest not as relatives. That's what I think.
So, being person without hometown like me will feel sad when I get the mood-breaking question. Do not hurt me by asking that kind of question to merely show your hospitality. It is such a nightmare for me.
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Changing my direction to get a bigger home
I used to think it would get rid of my loneliness
Leaving dearest friends and relatives to be closer to more beloved ones
It seemed to sail smoothly in spite of small waves hitting me
I never imagined that new boat I was sailing on would make me lost in a huge storm
I thought we could stick together during the storm and stay together till we find an island to settle down
The storm ended but it made us separate
I was left behind on an almost sinking boat while the others swim together to get a safer place
I was betrayed by high expectations I once imagined
Now, I am lost in a giant wave
I have nowhere to go
I have nothing but loneliness within
After all I was a loner
And I am a loner, now