Thursday, March 24, 2022

Kembali ke Awal

Kuyakin aq sudah ikhlas untuk melepas
Dia dan segala harapanku tentangnya 
Kini semua telah terhempas
Kuharap semua hilang tak bersisa

Ku coba menghilangkan dia
Dari benak dan pandanganku
Namun sikapku terhadapnya
Selalu membuat hatiku terganggu

Sungguh aku tak bermaksud membencinya
Kuhanya ingin kembali seperti awal
Kembali ke waktu awal kami berjumpa
Saat kami belum saling mengenal

Maaf jika sikapku ini salah 
Dan membuatmu bertanya-tanya
Kuhanya bisa lari dari masalah
Karena takut hati ini kan lebih terluka

Thursday, October 14, 2021

Tanya Tentang Kita

Bolehkah aku bahagia menjadi tempat untukmu berbagi masalah?

Bolehkah aku bangga tatkala membantumu saat mengatasinya?

Bolehkah kuartikan kau memberiku tempat yang istimewa?

Bolehkah kuartikan kau memberi secercah asa?


Maukah kau maju selangkah tuk mengubah segalanya?

Maukah kau mengungkapkannya dengan kata?

Maukah kau tuk menghapus batas antara kita?

Maukah kau tuk menerima segala perbedaan antara kita?


Saturday, December 29, 2018

Another Loss

The day I first met you,  I did notice how cute you were.  I looked at you in student's arm.  You looked perfectly healthy. 

Second time I met you,  I was told you were sick. You lost appetite. I hold you on my arms.  You were in comfort as I hugged you. 

It was the first time I took a pet on my car to vet.  You sat soundly on my colleague's lap while I was driving beside you.  You were very calm though we had to move to another vet. 
Vet said that you had malnutrition.  He gave you two shots but you were so calm that you didn't move while being injected.

I decided to take you home.  I put you in a box and we rode a car together.  I remembered you tried to get out of the box while we were getting closer to our house.  I thought you anticipated your new home a lot.

We spent three days together.  You looked comfortable although there were many cats at home.  They scared you but you never tried to run from them.  You got used to them quickly though they didn't.

You slept by my side at nights.  You didn't get your appetite back.  I felt so sorry to force you drink milk twice a day.  At first it felt difficult.  However,  that Sunday afternoon you looked much better.

I was so happy to see you drink water on your own and you drank more milk the next morning.  You started to get used to our neighborhood.  You walked in front of our house and enjoyed morning sun rays.  I was so glad to see you were getting fully recovered. 

That day,  I couldn't wait to get home and see you after school.  I put my bag and called your name. Mimi,  I couldn't find you at home.  I walked out to look for you but I couldn't find you.  I was so worried that I couldn't see you.  I almost give up when I walked on the bridge.  I looked under the bridge and found you there. Wet and cold,  you looked like you were dead.  I ran to our house and cried.  I blamed Mama for letting the door opened and not taking care of you. 

I couldn't think for a moment.  I didn't know what to do. I was sobbing so loudly that my neighbors could hear me.  Suddenly,  I got strength out of nowhere.  I went back to the bridge and climbed it.  I tried to get down to reach you.  Even though I couldn't save you, all I could do for you was burying you properly.  I stepped down under the bridge and reached you.  Once I lifted your body,  you meowed painfully.  I was so shocked to hear that.  I took you on the bridge and ran back home.  I took a towel to dry your body.  Unfortunately,  I didn't have hair dryer.  I was so panic and clueless.  I took you to the pet store near by.  Luckily,  the owner was there.  He said there was nothing much to do to save you.  I insisted that we have to do something at least to relieve your pain.  He gave me a tablet.  He said I could try to give it to you and keep drying your body.

I hugged you in tears.  As soon as we arrived home,  I ground the tablet and dissolved it into water.  Then I forced you to drink it.  I keep rubbing your body with towel.  I took you to the stove to make your body warm. I remembered when I got a hypothermia in Semeru,  I sat by the fire.  Slow but sure,  you were getting dry and warmer.  Your ears were not as cold as before.  I put you on the bed and covered you with thick blanket.  Two hours later,  you could get up and walk around the bed.  You started meowing louder.  I felt quite relieved.  I thought Allah still gave ys more time.  I prayed to Him first day I took you home.  I asked Him to let you live with me if we were destined together. If it was the opposite fate,  please make it easy for you so that you won't feel much hurt. 
I planned to take you to clinic in the morning. So we slept together and you slept on my arm that night.  Suddenly at midnight,  you meowed painfully.  I saw you were in pain.  I thought it would be your very last moment. I cried but this time I will let you go peacefully.  If you can't make it,  I won't regret because I have done what I have to do at very least.  I didn't regret to let you go in my arm in full of warmth.  If I let you die under the bridge that time,  I would blame myself forever and I would live in regret.  However,  letting you go in warmth and comfortable home is the best I can do so you know that you are loved, Mimi. 

I kept my eyes on you just in case you go any minute.  However,  you were still with me until morning,  till I left you to school.  Before leaving you,  I told you that I love you and I let you go any time.  Please don't get hurt for long time and wait for me in Jannah if you don't mind.  Mimiya...  Saranghae...  I love so much.  I am sorry for not giving you the best care I could.  Mimiya...  Neodo alji... Naega olmana neol saranghae. Daeume boja...  Haneuleseo...

Mimi left me in the afternoon.  I buried her in the yard under the mango tree.  This time,  I lost another precious thing for me again.  I don't know how many things I love will be taken from me again. I am used to losing thing and people whom I love.  So,  this time I have prepared my heart before. Mimi taught me that nothing will last forever.  What you can do is do your best and give your best before you lose them. Right....  I haven't done much to people around me.  I have to get back to my sense and give the best I can do.  Like what I did to Mimi though I know I will lose her.  Thanks Mimi... I will take courage to take this small step to live the rest of my life properly. Wait for me in Jannah, Mi...  If you are pleased to do so. 

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Ketika Musim Gugur Tiba

Ketika musim gugur tiba
Sebuah pohon berdiri tegak menghadapi belaian angin
Angin sejuk yang bertiup lembut perlahan menggoyang daun-daun kuning
Udara mulai terasa dingin
membuat daun dan rantingnya mengering

Ketika musim gugur tiba
Daun-daun yang menguning berusaha bertahan tinggal
Angin menghempas, menggugurkannya dari pohon
Pohon besar tua itu tak mampu menahan daun yang tanggal
Ia relakan daun-daunnya gugur dan tak mampu memohon

Ketika musim gugur tiba
Daun-daun berguguran meninggalkan jejak
Tertancap tegak tak mampu beranjak,
pohon yang kehilangan napas meranggas
Tuk bertahan ia harus melepas

Ketika musim gugur tiba
Daun-daun yang menemaninya
selama musim yang telah berlalu
Memenuhi tanah menjadi satu
Pohon tua siap menghadapi musim dinginnya
Sendiri menanti musim semi tuk memulai kembali hidupnya

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Love in the Distance

To my dearest long-distance sister,
I was too embarrassed to face you
I was too afraid I might let you down
I was defeated by negativity
I was lost and ran away from reality
I was worried being left behind
I was hopeless to get a hope
I was the worst me I should not have shown you
Dear my best friend,
I am leaving before others leave me behind
I am locking myself in high and thick walls
I am living not to enjoy this life
I am looking for reasons why I live my life
I am wondering how to kill this evil mind
I am wandering to get back on the right track
My beloved sister-like best friend,
I keep watching on you despite my absence
I keep praying for you in silence
I keep seeing you in my remembrance
I keep loving you in this distance

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Berlajar Mimpi dari Dorama

Rehat dari dunia drakor,  drama Jepang benar-benar mencuri perhatian dan membakar semangat untuk meraih mimpi. Sudah lama sekali berpaling dari drama Jepang. Rasanya terakhir kali menonton dorama itu saat kuliah saat nonton bareng Nodame Cantabile di kosan teman yang jadi basecamp untuk ngumpul. Drama Jepang memang punya kekhasan yaitu sarat pesan mewujudkan mimpi.  Seperti Nodame dan Chiaki yang bekerja keras mengatasi semua rintangan untuk mengejar mimpi mereka,  karakter-karakter dalam dorama memang digambarkan penuh semangat dalam meraih cita dan cinta.

Dua minggu ini, berawal dari jenuh akan drakor yang semakin absurd jalan ceritanya,  aku menemukan film Lies in April.  Awal nonton film ini benar-benar terasa seperti Nodame Cantabile. Suasana musik klasik mendominasi latar musik sepanjang film.  Namun,  akhir cerita film ini terasa seperti One Litre of Tears.  Rasa manis dan haru dibalut semangat meraih mimpi menghiasi film ini. Pemain utama prianya (klise memang) benar-benar menarik.  Seperti biasa,  kalau sudah suka sama satu aktor,  judul lain yang dibintangi sang aktor pasti diburu.  Mulailah berburu film dan dramanya Yamazaki Kento. Banyak juga film yang dibintangi Kento. Ternyata ini bukan pertama kalinya aku menonton filmnya Kento.  Sebelumnya sudah pernah menonton Another tapi saat itu tak begitu tertarik. Akhirnya dimulailah maraton film mulai dari Wolf Girl and Black Prince,  LDK sampai Heroine Shikkaku.  Masih ada dua film lagi dalam antrian.

Sebelum sempat menyelesaikan film yang tersisa,  aku tertarik menonton A Girl and Three Sweethearts.  Drama ini bercerita tentang patissier yang dipecat dari toko kue di Tokyo dan akhirnya mendapat pekerjaan di kota lain berkat bantuan teman (cinta pertamanya lebih tepatnya). Sekali mendayung dua tiga pulau terlalui.  Sambil bekerja sambil mengupayakan cinta pertamanya. Di awal drama sempat terkecoh dengan pemeran pria utama. Aku pikir Kento yang memerankan cinta pertamanya.  Tapi ternyata cinta pertamanya sang patissier cuma second lead saja.  Cerita berputar pada tantangan-tantangan yang dihadapi patissier dalam hal karir dan cinta.  Tak hanya itu,  drama ini kental dengan nuansa bromance dimana 3 pria, Shibayashi bersaudara menghadapi konflik keluarga dan persaudaraan mereka diuji.

Beralih dari A Girl and Three Sweethearts,  aku berburu Kento di IG dan mendapati cuplikan drama Mare.  Dari semua peran dia yang kutonton (kebanyakan dia berperan sebagai cowok dingin, angkuh tapi penuh perhatian), karakter dalam drama Mare ini paling berbeda.  Terlihat lebih realistis dan menyenangkan. Ternyata drama ini layaknya drakor seri Reply. Sebuah drama tentang keluarga,  persahabatan dan cinta.  Uniknya dalam setiap konflik yang terjadi sebagian besar masalah adalah tentang mewujudkan mimpi bagi keluarga.  Dari drama ini aku berpikir tentang mimpi apa yang ingin kuraih sebenarnya, apa yang telah aku lakukan dan apa yang harunya aku lakukan. Sebuah drama untuk introspeksi diri kupikir.  Berbeda dari A Girl and Three Sweethearts yang berjumlah 10 episode,  drama Mare ini berjumlah 156 episode.  Whooooaaaaaa!!!!!  Banyak sekali bukan?! Tapi untungya setiap episode hanya berdurasi 15 menit. Jadi tidak terlalu panjang untuk diikuti.  Saat ini aku baru mencapai episode 140 dalam waktu 3 hari.  Mungkin akan selesai malam ini. 

Setidaknya dua minggu ini aku belajar banyak dari dorama Jepang. Tak hanya belajar, tapi merasa ditampar. Bangun Gonissh!!!!  Apa kabar mimpi-mimpimu?  Apa kabar rencana sekolah pascamu?  Apa kabar beasiswa yang ingin kau raih?  Apa kabar dengan negeri lain yang ingin kau jelajahi?  Ah semoga tahun ini aku benar-benar bisa mewujudkan setidaknya salah satu mimpiku seperti karakter-karakter wanita dalam dorama Jepang itu.

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Lost in Dramaland

I was once walking away from reality
Through the dark of wood I found fantasy
I followed fireflies flying to light
Show me the way through middle of night
Long I walked, be strong I tried
Not to shed tears, but finally cried
I desperately want to go home where I was grown
But no one hears my sorrowful groan
Then I woke up in a wonderful land
Everything I saw was joyfully grand
I fall for its beauty
Hypnotized,  I hold myself not to be crazy
I am too far engaged in its glory
Praise the people who are lovely
One day,  I dreamed to go back
Ready to forget everything I lack
Going home isn't something I can do alone
No one realized that I was gone
Sweet memories I reminisce
All good times surely vanish
I keep walking on the land
Rabbit leads me while holding my hand
Looking back to dark forest
Staying here to take a rest